i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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