i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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