Quick, to the slutcave!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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