well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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