barbara walters just said penis...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
