I just made out with a guy for $7.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
