and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
