I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
