wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
