I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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