Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
