Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
