I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
