Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
