she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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