i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
