i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
