Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
