soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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