You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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