Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
