guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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