I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
