and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
