We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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