At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
