he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i've created a new STD.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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