He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
