Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
