just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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