I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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