So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
