i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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