it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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