I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
wow bdsm is so cute
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
