There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
