Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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