Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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