if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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