Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize