Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
