it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
