Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
