People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
