I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
