I hope mine doesn't look like that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
