i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize