no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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