someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
