So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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