i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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