You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
