Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
