Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her vagine was all disorganized.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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