I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
