I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
