Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
