My room smells like vodka and shame
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
