I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
