yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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