just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
