haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
