Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
