He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
