wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
