My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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