Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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