NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
