I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
