Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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