Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
