i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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