Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
