you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
