so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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