May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
