I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Text me some of your sweat
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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