I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
