I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize