Don't make out with my wife yet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
