how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
